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Friday, January 4, 2013

Self Esteem Road Blocks

Hello all! My name is Jessalyn Adamson. I am sixteen years old and like many other girls I have had problems with self esteem. When I was in 9th grade I met a girl named Brynlee. She was skinny, beautiful with long hair and all the guys wanted her. She was my best friend and I was sooo jealous of her. I had a huge crush on this guy and she knew it and he asked her out and she said yes. I acted like it didn't effect me but it made me sad that she was always chosen over me.
 And to add to all that Brynlees mom thought I was a slut. Her step dad said I was worthless. I made Brynlee tell me everything her mom and step dad said about me, I don't know why I had her tell me that stuff if I was just hurting myself. My self esteem was quickly dropping.
I began to hate going over to her house and hated being around her mom and step dad. You could tell her step dad hated being around me too, he was rude and acted like a know it all. He is a complete jerk... you wouldn't understand. Her mom acted like she had said nothing rude about me whenever I was around.
I felt like crap. My thighs were too big, my stomach was too big my face was too fat... I seriously felt like this picture below my picture. Absolutely terrible. Feeling bad about yourself is really the worst feeling ever. I know lots of other girls feel the same way, ugghhh it's bad. Low self esteem leads to bulimia and anorexia and those are things you don't want to get.

I am not in 11th grade and since then Brynlee moved across town, we aren't as good of friends as we were when she lived right next to me but I still consider her my best friend. We went through a lot together. My self esteem has hiked back up but I still have my days and thoughts. "You are too fat, go running more." "You don't need to eat this time." "Your stomach is supposed to be flat."
But I have just got to push them aside! I don't want my self esteem to go as low as it was before. I compare myself to every girl I see. Their thighs are skinnier, they have prettier faces, they have skinnier waists, their hair is long and beautiful. I hate that I compare myself to people but it has become more of a habit now. I just wish my body was perfect. I hate to admit that. I should be at peace with my body since there isn't much that I can do. It's just the way my body is. I seriously find it impossible to find peace with my body. It's going to take time but I am determined to do it. I don't want to feel this way about my body, I want to be ok with it and I want other girls to feel ok with their bodies too. Self esteem is a big issue and it's terrible to have to deal with. I know from experience!

1 comment:

  1. Aww darling, we've all been there. I have definitely been there- In fact I almost am always there, at least if I choose to think about myself. You are beautiful just the way you are though. :) You know, back in the olden days a long time ago, people who were super skinny were not accepted as the norm of beautiful, but girls who weren't. Girls with healthier normal weight was accepted as being beautiful. Just a thought. :) So your perfect just the way you are! ^.^

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